Feeling Feline

4 lessons in love from loving an orange cat

Beans is a 9-month-old kitten currently living his best life on the tropical coast of Bahia.

1. You make sacrifices for what you love

Okay, I might have heard this many times before from my mom. Yet, I feel like I was only truly able to understand it after Beans. From the first moment I held him, I knew I would care for him for the rest of our lives with all that I am. I prayed that he would stay in our lives to watch us grow and watch our children grow. And at the risk of sounding like a crazy cat lady, I felt unconditional love. 

In the weeks that followed, we would slowly get acquainted with each other. Figuring out what he likes, what he despises, his favourite napping spots, how many hours a day he needs to sleep as not to be unbearably grumpy, etc. 

Just as Beans was changing and becoming a little less wobbly, a little braver by the day, so was I growing into a pet parent. I was fully aware of the fact my minimum wage salary was barely paying the bills, but I would buy him the world if it meant I was offering him the best possible life within our 19 square-meters studio. Like the time I used my tax rebate to buy him a Columbus Grand Climber cat tower (please don’t come to me for financial advice).

When we were thinking about moving back to my home country for a while, his comfort and adaptation were my first considerations. And as an expat, I’d swap my usually summery Christmases for a British one anytime if it means we stay together.

My point is, loving something deeply makes you selfless. I see that in the way my partner shows up for me, and I see that in the way we care for Beans.

2. Love-bombing a cat gets you nowhere 

I’d say one of my first big challenges in this pet-parent relationship was trying to fight his sceptical nature. You see, I have none of their survival instincts. I kissed my now partner of 3 years the first night we met. By the second week of dating, I was sending love letters to his parents' address when he went home for winter break. I’d bring coffee over to his student dorm after my morning runs, and I felt way too much way too soon.

I was pretty much the same type of crazy with Beans. I loved him fiercely and subserviently. I wanted to pick him up all the time and give him loads of unrequested pets. And if you know anything about cats, you know they don’t respond well to unrequested anything. Well, except for treats. Long story short, I am now the spare human. He loves my partner more because he respected his personal space, and that’s just something I have to live with. With a newfound understanding that his boundaries are there for a very valid reason.

3. Love is high-risk

We make decisions that can break our hearts every single day. We fall in love with people we just met, we build community and make a home in places we might leave, and we make babies who can get sick or turn into teenagers who hate us. We choose to expose ourselves to love at the risk of heartbreak. If you ask me now, I’d say it’s a small price to pay.

The moment that led me to this realisation was last Christmas evening. Christmas represents, besides Jesus’s, my best friend’s birthday. Her thoughtful boyfriend gifted her beautifully lethal Dragon Lilies, which my cat found amusing and ended up covering his face in poisonous pollen. As we rushed to the emergency clinic in a city nearby, tears rolled down my cheeks and my chest was heavy with guilt and worry. My partner holds my hand tightly and says: it’s in times like this I am even more grateful that we have each other.

The possibility of losing someone or something you treasure is not usually our first thought when infatuated. But it is an ever-present risk. Beans had to be hospitalised for what felt like the longest, most excruciating 48 hours of our lives. Of course, I had enough time to go over in my head all the small decisions that led us to that situation, how it could have been avoided, and the many ‘if only we’. But nothing could have prevented the possibility of something going wrong. That’s the case with love, in the fine print lies the catch.

4. Love needs companionship

I am no love guru. I’m simply speaking from my own private experience as a hopeless romantic. Reflecting on the differences between my current relationship and the ones that didn’t work - besides the fact my current partner is not a narcissist - I found two key factors we prioritise. First, we were ready to tell the truth. Being honest with each other about everything from the beginning set a pretty solid foundation. 

And second, we spend a lot of quality time together. We want to be around each other. We want to continue sharing life with one another. From the most mundane of moments to the most special ones, we cherish each other’s company. He’s the one I miss the most.

Something akin to how Beans follows us around the house. Waiting by the shower or watching us cook or having a nap sandwiched in bed between us. Just as our cat is a constant, peaceful presence in our lives, I want to be for the ones I love.